Frustrated...

Happy Ramadhan, fellow Muslims. In this month, I will try to improve in my efforts to become a good Muslim. And hopefully it will last till the next Ramadhan, when my efforts will double, if I live that long, insyaAllah. I've been thinking of death lately, and I'm not sure why. Maybe I'm getting more matured as I grow older. Or is it something else entirely. It is said in a hadith, that the Angel Israil will gaze upon the face of the person that will die in a couple of weeks or months. I can't be sure which. And when that happens, that person will be dazed for a while, and after that will not think anything of that incident.

So, now I often think about death. About what will happen to me in the afterlife. About what will happen to my wife and kids. I've sinned. I don't know anyone alive that hasn't sinned. But I'm trying to do better. I really do try. Not only am I trying not to sin, but I'm trying to be a better Muslim in ways that has been taught to me. And from religious books.

I'm tired of all the charades and the back stabbing and the insincerity of people. I'm tired of all the blaming and none of the advising. I'm tired of life.

Please don't get me wrong. My wife and children are one of the reasons for me to embrace life. To live life to the fullest. But that's about it. I'm frustrated. I'm saddened. I'm depressed. I think this would be the most appropriate time to use the phrase, "F**k this s**t! I'm outta here!"